So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
