i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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