I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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