ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
