So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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