I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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