I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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