Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
