i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
