Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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