my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
