I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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