He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
