The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
