Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
