He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
