No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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