Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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