So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
