Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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