were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
