And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
