I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize