I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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