Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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