areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
