how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wear drunk well.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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