Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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