I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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