Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
