i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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