I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
