hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
