Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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