I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
