Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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