Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
