Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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