No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
