Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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