I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
