We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
