I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
