it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
