At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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