According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
