Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
