glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
