I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
