He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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