i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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