my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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