I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
MIDGETS
????
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
