When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
