No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
