I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
