I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
