remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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