If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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