Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
