I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
