and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
