This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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