so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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