I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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