I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
