his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
