You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
