haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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