This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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