apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize