I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
