Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
