Nicole vs. Life
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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