Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
