Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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