So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
