those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
